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ASK A PHONE WHORE: “do you ever recommend resources?”

 

ASK A PHONE WHORE is a semi-regular feature, appearing whenever I get a good question. Anything you want to know about my phone work, ask away! Make sure to read through the archives here to see if I’ve already addressed your question in a previous post, or to see if I’ve written about something already and you have follow-up questions. I may set up a separate page here to solicit questions, or maybe just put a widget up, but for now I’ll be running my mail bag over on Facebook.

Q. Do you ever find yourself recommending kink resources to clients, and if so what kind?

Okay. Let me start with a seemingly unrelated observation: in phone sex, NO ONE REALLY KNOWS THE TRUTH.

I tell my callers a whole range of truths, ranging from my correct height to everything short of my name and what city I’m next performing in, but that mostly has to do with how mentally “on” I am that day or what it already says on their card. It very rarely has anything to do with whether or not they want “the real information” or not, because I can’t really be sure whether or not they really want “the real information” or not.  They may say they want it, but that could very easily be part of a fantasy they have about being really into the real life of a phone sex operator, like, ooooh, they’re getting privileged information.

I’m in a similar position with regard to giving callers actual advice or referrals to resources. They may say they want advice on how to handle something, or they wish there was a place they could go to, say, cross-dress to their heart’s content, but I will never know for sure whether that’s something they are really searching for, or if it’s just part of their fantasy of someday actualizing that fantasy. I never offer advice or resources unless they outright ask me, but even when they do ask, I weigh it carefully and I certainly never expect that anyone will act on it, or indeed, even bring it up again.

Having said all that, then, yes, I have given referrals on a few occasions:

• A caller who liked me to be a super-sized Big Beautiful Woman (meaning somewhere in the 425-pound range) bemoaned the fact that there were so few self-confident sexy fat women out there like me. I said, well, you know about BBW bashes, right? He was all, uh, noooo? So I looked up the closest BBW dances (Chicago) to where he said he was located (Des Moines. No, really), and gave him the URL. The fact that he was also hoping to find a domme who would do him with a strap-on and piss on his face… well, I told him the first order of business was meeting the confident fatties, and maybe the kink stuff should wait until the second or third date.
• A caller who talked about his cross-dressing, and said he felt isolated because of it. Where do you live? I asked. New York City, he said, and I promptly discounted much of what he was saying. Not entirely, because psychological isolation can count as much as, if not more than, geographical distance, in terms of accessing resources. But on the other hand, NEW YORK CITY. So, I gave him a few links to cross-dressing support groups.
• One of my regulars is slightly dominant, with strong sadistic tendencies in his role-play fantasies. He’s adorable over the phone—very intelligent and articulate and funny, seemingly self-aware—which makes it that much worse when he expresses how he DOESN’T want to be that way. He honestly seems to think he is a bad man for having those desires. I am pretty sure that I have mentioned fetlife.com to him on a couple of occasions.

With this last guy in particular, I  am not sure that my recommendation is going anywhere, because he very obviously is dealing with self-loathing, and before one can access kink-positive resources, one has to be at a certain point on one’s own path. He’s got a long way to go before that point.

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If you liked this post, be sure to browse around some more. I’ve been blogging about my work in phone sex for almost four years, since six months after I started in April 2009. And if you live in the UK, you’ll have a chance this year to hang out with me while I’m on call! Okay, not really, but that’s what my award-winning solo play Phone Whore feels like, and I’m bringing it to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival Aug. 1-25, and then to five other UK cities through mid-September. Follow those links to read all about the tour and my show, and if you do make it out, come up and say hi!