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FROM THE FUCKBUCKET: “Should one marry their sexual fantasy?”

I’m … not sure why one wouldn’t? If you are also compatible in other important areas, and there doesn’t exist a legal impediment against it, and both parties are capable of giving consent (of age, having a sound mind, not being a car or a corpse or an alpaca), then go on ahead and marry that fucker, if that’s what you both really want!

I did not get the sense from this question that this was a situation in progress for the writer. They were asking a hypothetical question only, but it had a certain sense of anxiety about it, as though they are looking ahead at a period in their life when they might be expected to “settle down”—or may also want that for themselves—but they’re looking at it from the vantage point of a period in their life when they are getting some good action going on, and they’re wondering if the wild sex life stuff ends at 30.

“When I settle down, will I have to just settle?” is perhaps one underlying question. “Maybe I will get to a point where I don’t have much choice,” this person is thinking, “or I have less than I do now. Maybe I will have to relinquish some of my expectations and settle for less than what I want.”

To this I say, fuck that noise, DON’T FUCKING SETTLE. If getting married or otherwise into a long-term, emotionally committed relationship is something you want to do, please hold out for the things that are most important to you, and if your sex life is important to you, keep that bit close to your heart. It is not weird or one-track to make one’s sexual compatibility and excitement an important part of your relationship quest, it’s just keeping your priorities clear.

There is, of course, that sexist notion that still persists in some people’s minds, that there are some women you can have a great time fucking, but you would never “bring home to meet your mother,” e.g. a good time versus a good wife. But this is patent bullshit. Like, I’m not even going to waste two more sentences on this terrible dichotomy. Get you a person who can be both.

The more I think about this question, the more sex and relationship myths I see, lurking underneath the surface. Yes, you can be both smoking hot and a suitably stable partner. No, marriage/cohabitation/whatever does not mean a death knell for your sex life. Yes, sex lives can change after you marry/move in, but that’s more to do with New Relationship Energy wearing off and maybe you taking each other for granted; it is not a sign that you have sacrificed your sex fantasy on the altar of domestic bliss.

If your fantasy fuck has all the other qualities you need for a life partner, whatever those may be, GREAT. Sit down and talk with them beforehand about things like date nights, and bucket lists and games and workshops and anything else you might be able to use to keep tapping into that molten core. It takes effort, in the face of real life, to keep fanning the flames of whatever kinky shit you’re into.

But you can do it. So go ahead and marry that perv. If they think about you the way you think about them, you’ll deserve each other.

*****

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